If you saw me leave a certain discount store in a nearby town (that is not my hometown) today, and you noticed my shoulders heaving and tears running down my cheeks, it was not at all what it appeared to be.

I had just checked out at said discount store. That’s not what was so funny. There was a whole lot of touche going on in there.

What happened was this … I walked to the counter, which had a belt as many stores have. I had a handful of things and to keep my thing separated from the lady in front of me, I reached for the little plastic divider bar at the back of the belt. The checkout lady said, “Leave it there! I need it!!” I responded that I was planning to use it to separate our things, which is its normal purpose. Okay, so that may have been a little sarcastic. I said it nicely, though, in case it matters.

She said she needed it to stop the belt because the sensor wasn’t working correctly.

I said that I had just shopped somewhere recently and that the cashier had tried to combine my item with the person behind me which is why I wanted it. She responded that she had some years behind her and to give her a little credit for that, that she’s not some young, distracted thing that just does whatever they’re told. In other words, she is observant. She notices where people’s things stopped and started.

I was a little peeved but decided to let the subject drop. It really wasn’t that important to make a big deal out of the fact that she could’ve been a little more polite about explaining why she needed before commanding me to “leave it there!”

I proceeded to get my wallet out and wasn’t paying attention to the belt until I heard my sister who was right behind me say, “That’s mine!”as the cashier started ringing her things up with mine. The unexpected irony of the moment caught me off guard and I let out something between a snort and a cough. I think it’s called a snough, or a snorkel, or a chortle. I did my ultimate best to not burst out laughing, which, if you know me, you realize what at effort that took! Especially with my sister behind me trying her best not to laugh too.

I managed to make it out the door before I let out any more noises. And laughed and wiped tears all the way to my car.

So the moral of the story is to not be so sarcastic. Kind of. Mostly that good customer service goes a long way in helping your case. Or maybe the moral is that you should be careful what kind of “bright” comments you make – they may come back to bite you and leave someone snoughing or snorkeling.

Unfortunately, I know. Been there, done that myself.

What did the Zero say to the Eight?

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What did the Eight say to the Zero?

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I came up on him as he was driving down the road. I can’t remember what first caught my attention but he came to stop and leaned out talk. He was very friendly which isn’t unheard of in this warm clime. He asked if I knew the company whose truck he was driving. I said the only B&H I knew of was a company in NYC that sells photography equipment.

It was not the same one. This B&H delivered packages, similar to UPS or FedEx. I noticed that the packages I saw were wrapped in newspaper. I thought this a bit odd for shipping but didn’t say anything. All of a sudden I saw a vehicle coming down the road toward his vehicle. He didn’t seem a bit worried despite the fact that he was stopped in the middle of the road.

He did move out of the way in time. Before long we were in my yard. For some reason he layed a fleece coat out on the ground, using it as a map, and showing me where oil fields were. I felt a little nervous at his extreme friendliness, especially since I was the only person home. So I walked away from him as he was talking and went into the bathroom to text my brother to see if he was anywhere close by and could stop in.

When I came out, I was astonished to see quite a number of people coming down the road to my house. There were about a dozen men of all ages, and each one held 1 long stem red rose. Murmurs from one neighbor milling around were that they were told there was oil on my land and apparently they wanted to be the first to make an offer to buy the land.

Another neighbor said, “What is going on??” I said, “I have no idea. But I have an idea of whose idea this was.” For even in a dream I am still the Queen of Profound Statements.

And then I woke up feeling a bit exhausted.

 

Moral of the story: Perhaps eating fried food for supper is not a good thing. I believe the seafood supper I had was giving me more than “innergestion” (as some locals folks have called it).

Quotes from the past month or two. I know they’re not word-for-word but they’re as close as this aging brain can remember. I’m sure Ginny will correct me if I mis-quoted her.

 

Lois: I want black and white prints for my bathroom. I’ve always wanted black and white prints.
Me: All your life you’ve waited for black and white prints.
<pause>
Me: Someday your prints will come.
Lois: Get out of here before I hit you.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We were painting at the house.
Mama: I always get hungry at 12 noon. Don’t I, Daddy?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Us: Really, always at 12 sharp?
Mama: I always get hungry at 12.

<an hour or two later>

Me: Are y’all hungry for lunch yet?
Mama: What time is it?
Me: No, I asked if you’re hungry.
Mama: Well, I’m about 11:00 hungry.
Me: Well it’s 10 min. ‘til 12.
Mama: No wonder I’m hungry.

****************************************

Phone rings at office. I glance at call ID and answer the phone.

Me: Miller’s Bar and Grill
Voice (laughing): I’d like to order something!
<OOPS! Not the person I was expecting!>
Me (now laughing as well): I thought it was Mike calling.
Voice now identified as the secretary of Mike’s business: No, but I’m trying to find him.

Note to self: Don’t rely on caller-ID to pull pranks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Cell phone rings. Caller-ID says it is Wes.

Wes (trying to disguise his voice. I need to tell him he always uses the same disguise.): Yes, are you the people building the house on the corner?
Me: Yes we are.
Wes: I’m (some fictitious name) and your house is on part of our land.
Me: Really?! Do you want to build on the end of it?
Wes: No, we are going to take you to court and sue you.
Me: Great! I’ve never been to court before!

Caller-ID doesn’t always leave you hanging.

————————————————————

As I walked in the door of a local builder supply this morning with items to return.

Salesman: Are you un-shopping?
Me: I am. Is that allowed?
Salesman: Not on Fridays!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ginny (after telling us of all the things about our house that she approves): Your door lock  is my favorite thing about your house. I have to have one like it.

………………………………………………………………………………….

Me: Can I touch your (Ohio State) hat, too?
Wes: No, you’re a GA fan.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Me: Did you know my future husband might be married?
Clarita: *gasp*
Me: Well, I could someday marry a widower.

 

That conversation never ceases to get a response.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The salesman at a furniture store had a hairless terrier named Sam. Poor thing had nothing but peach fuzz so he has to wear warm clothes when it’s really cold. He liked me and wanted stay between my feet, chewing on his rawhide bone.

Salesman: Sam likes you.

So I stepped on Sam’s foot. Quite accidentally, of course. But he seemed a little less enamored by me.

After we left Lois said: Whoever made that thing has problems. It feels like a skinned rat.

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Henry: I wish we could have a meal like the Mexicans (on the farm where he used to work) do. They have all the food laid out all afternoon and people eat and play games and sit around and talk all afternoon. It’s so laid back.
Me: Yeah, but are they legal?

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Crysta: Could you bring taco salad dressing? (for small groups get-together)
Me: Sure. You know, the other day I was thinking about making taco salad dressing.
Lois: *rolls her eyes*
Me: No, I’m serious! I was thinking about it. I like to make it.

 

 

If I’m ever dis-inherited it will probably be because of my weird sense of humor. Either that or weird thought patterns.

In other non-quotable news, Lois and I are going to Abbeville for a housewarming party for our cousin Kevin. It’s been way too long since I’ve been there for a weekend. Several years, in fact.

 

 I was tagged by two people to post 5 pictures of myself. I had not the time to get to it earlier but since I am packing and getting ready to move soon I found some doozies that I will share with you. Some of my favorites are not here – they must already be packed away.

I have very few pictures of myself before the age of 10, when we moved to Jesup. We were not allowed to have pictures prior to this.

 
From a family gathering one Christmas in Montezuma, when all of my dad’s family was there. I was on the edge of the picture, kind of on purpose, if I remember correctly.

Soon after our move to Jesup. If you pay me a lot of money, I’ll show you the rest of the picture (after I get permission from my sisters, that is). This picture is worth more than a thousand words, trust me!!

My first “studio” picture ever. I was around 12 years old. Lovely Kmart photos. They turn a lovely purple with age.

With my nieces Vicki and Kelly, holding Michael. Lovely glasses, I know. You don’t have to tell me.

Receiving my high school diploma. Class of ’91!

One of my senior pictures.

 
With two of my students. They both have xanga sites but I’ll save them the embarrasment by not linking to them.

From my years in Dryden. Had to find at least one vest/poof picture!!

Another from Dryden. My dormies had given me this bouquet to celebrate surviving a wild week of summer camps. Those tired eyes tell it all!

 
Big jump ahead. This was taken a few weeks ago.

I have lots of pictures. Albums and albums full but most of the time I am not in them since I’ve been shutterbuggy for a long time. If blackmailing were an honest living, I’d probably be set for life. I’ve got some doozies!!

Well, hope that provided some comic relief for you!