Letters from the Editor – Wednesday November 19, 2008

Dear Burger King employee,
If I order a sandwich, fries and a drink for one person and ask for ketchup, don’t you think 7 packs is a little overkill? It will be nice to have extra to keep at the office. Thanks!

Dear Harry Burns, Jr,
I never met you but there is a neat walkway built in your memory. It doesn’t have a spectacular view but it is a great place to get some fresh air over lunch break. That grapevine photo in my header was taken along the boardwalk trail.

Dear silver Ford Expedition driver,
You really pulled a bad move with your left hand turn today. At first I was kind of ticked because I thought you probably did it because you had a big vehicle and figured the small car whose right-of-way you stole would rather hit the brakes and yield to you than bounce off of you. Then I thought that perhaps you, like me, sometimes pull dumb stunts without thinking of what you’re doing and that you will be kicking yourself for the next two blocks.

Dear JFO Bargain Barn,
I really wish you didn’t close over lunch. I like to do some shopping over lunch break and you often have great deals on furniture. If you don’t believe me, come see my house. We have some stuff from there and need some dining room furniture. I’ll guess I’ll have to try later.

Dear Jesup football players,
Here’s to a good game on Saturday. I hope you go out there and get them. Over the past number of years you’ve played many games, losing most of them. But I’ve heard numerous people admire how you play to have fun and not to win at all costs. It is better to lose than to compromise just to win a game. You don’t lose sight of the fact that your opponents are people you will sit down and eat supper with later. I’m proud of y’all even if you don’t win most of them. But I really would love to see you win!! If you hear someone in the stands hollering out an offering of a steak supper to whoever sacks their quarterback, that’s probably me.  For what it’s worth, I grill a pretty mean ribeye.

Dear city maintenance (or whoever controls the traffic lights in town),
The turning signal on W Cherry and S First St is not working properly. It will give a green arrow regardless whether there is anyone in the turning lane or not. This wastes time for the people who are waiting. If there is no one in the left turn lane, for about 15 seconds not a single vehicle will move. Think of how much time this wastes in a 24 hour period. Two more things … the light at Macon St and Cherry St is very prejudice against me. When it sees me coming it turns yellow, then red (yeah I know that part is typical of ALL lights) about 85% of the time I go through that intersection. Could you give it an attitude adjustment for me? Thanks! I drive a silver ’02 Honda Accord. The last thing is the blinking light at S Macon and W Orange is a safety hazard. People will approach it on the red side and think it’s a 4-way stop. I’ve seen people pull out in front of those who have only a blinking caution light.

Dear fellow drivers,
There is a small lever on the left side of your steering wheel column. If you push it up, it makes a “dinker, dinker” sound. If you push it down, it makes a “dinker, dinker” sound. That’s not the only thing it does. It also controls some small lights on the front, back and side of your car. It tells other drivers of your intention to make a turn. Use it! Someday it may save your life. In the mean time, your fellow drivers will thank you.

Dear creative De-Motivators,
The humor at despair.com is depressingly hilarious. I wish I was that creative. Of course there may be people who think your humor is too negative but I guess not everyone has the odd sense of humor like some of us do. My favorite quote: To put it simply, motivational posters don’t work. But that’s okay because our de-motivational posters don’t work even better. Thanks for letting me borrow your depressing text to make my own poster.

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Dear Mr. Morgan,
We enjoyed a delicious meal last night courtesy of your generosity. Thanks for your thoughtfulness in providing this for our church year after year. The many women who did not have to cook supper were delighted once more.

Dear Ms. Sybil,
For the second time about 7 years our annual treat by the Morgans was not eaten at your restaurant. Perhaps you did not miss us. If you did miss us perhaps you could let us know that if we do eat there again that we could have our own buffet instead of walking through the restaurant into the middle of the other dining room to get our food. Your sweet tea is second to none and your southern food is really good (to most of us) but the setup was not that great. I bet you didn’t miss having children running around your parking lot, though.

Dear Charran and Kathi,
That was one great meal y’all made and served to us last night. Our options for local caterers are quite limited and you willingly drove 5 hours to make a delicious meal for us. It was so nice that the kids had plenty of room to play and we could talk as loudly and longly as we wanted without the fear of disturbing other people.

Dear God,
The frosty ground sparkled this morning with freshness and crispness and coldness. It almost looked like snow. Do you mind surprising us the year and sending us a little snow? Even 3 inches would be enough to be considered snowed in here in the deep south.

13 thoughts on “Letters from the Editor – Wednesday November 19, 2008

  1. Dear Kool Kuzin,  Seven packets of ketchup might not be a drop too much for certain Kulprits.  And did you ever notice that if you take extras home, they never get used?  It’s too much bother to open up those slippery miniscule envelopes. But maybe they would get used at the office.

    Why you would wish to be more creative is beyond me.  C’mon now, instead of coveting more, why don’t you spread the wealth around a little!  (Actually, you do just that with your gorgeous, thought-provoking, hilarious posts.  Thanks!)

    Sorry, I don’t know if you “guys” could handle 3 inches of snow.  It would probably paralyze y’all for a week.  lol  Just come north some wintery February and we’ll try to show you a snowy good time!

  2. The letters are fun, thanks. The football one prompts the following: My wife never gave the sport a second glance–a bunch of guys running and falling down. That is, until around 1980, when a relative’s son became a star player for Kempsville High–named to the Bally All American team in his senior year. Sarah quickly learned football basics and could rah rah with the best. Forget her normally quiet personna! I’ve not forgotten the night K’ville won the district title against, I believe, Great Bridge. Kempsville was behind in the closing minutes and ten or so yards from the opponents’ goal line. Sarah was standing on the bleachers two or three rows down from me. The fans went wild when K’ville punched in the touchdown, and the scene of my wife high-fiving a total stranger is still vivid! lol.

  3. Amen to the delicious meal Tuesday night!  And I so know what you mean about the stop light.  It did that very thing to us last night.  All four sides just sat and sat waiting for the obscure left turners to turn.  We’re looking forward to the football game on Saturday too!

  4. @Iamsaved4ever – Dear Mrs. Kulprit, 🙂 We never get to be snowed in and 3″ would probably do it. It would be great fun to have to stay home for a day. As for the ketchup, I do have friends that would think that’s barely enough. I used 1 pack.

    @Lersarm – That’s a cute memory! 🙂 I enjoy watching football if the players are people I know. It helps to have a little understanding of the game as well. I know the basics but that’s enough to cheer at the appropriate times!! 🙂

  5. my cheeks hurt from grinning! that’s quite hilarious… but seriously, I’d give about anything to be heading out with ya’ll to a watch a good game of football! good memories. If it’s snow you’re pining for, you could always move to Indiana… we had 3 inches Monday and it’s snowing again today and they’re calling for 2-5 inches tomorrow. Ahhhhhh, I love winter! But you’re right, 3 inches in the south would be enough to scare everyone off the roads. I remember once when I was in Savannah and it started snowing (just flurries, mind you) and everyone at the Publix was talking about closing the store and going home! Imagine! good stuff, ML, keep writing!

  6. Hey lady! you are seriously going to that football game on Sat.? there is some guys from here on the team and they are coming. i’m thinking about it if i can get  off work to come on down.  It would be great to see you again!!

  7. Oh dear,on which point of interest do I most want to comment??? They are all so stinkin hilarious……Mostly I just liked the picture. It shows more of the photographer than any of the others that I’ve seen so far.That comment is so ‘Marilou-ish’ that its hard to believe you didn’t come up with it on your own.  In fact my husband had such a great time laughing at ya’ll when you were at our house that he’d like for you to come again!!! Honest!! Home over Christmas?? Maybe we’ll see you then. In the meantime I have to get ready for guests from GA!!!!!!!!!  GREAT BIG HOLLER!!!!!  Love you friend.

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