Quotes from the past month or two. I know they’re not word-for-word but they’re as close as this aging brain can remember. I’m sure Ginny will correct me if I mis-quoted her.
Lois: I want black and white prints for my bathroom. I’ve always wanted black and white prints.
Me: All your life you’ve waited for black and white prints.
Me: Someday your prints will come.
Lois: Get out of here before I hit you.
We were painting at the house.
Mama: I always get hungry at 12 noon. Don’t I, Daddy?
Daddy: I don’t know.
Us: Really, always at 12 sharp?
Mama: I always get hungry at 12.
<an hour or two later>
Me: Are y’all hungry for lunch yet?
Mama: What time is it?
Me: No, I asked if you’re hungry.
Mama: Well, I’m about 11:00 hungry.
Me: Well it’s 10 min. ‘til 12.
Mama: No wonder I’m hungry.
Phone rings at office. I glance at call ID and answer the phone.
Me: Miller’s Bar and Grill
Voice (laughing): I’d like to order something!
<OOPS! Not the person I was expecting!>
Me (now laughing as well): I thought it was Mike calling.
Voice now identified as the secretary of Mike’s business: No, but I’m trying to find him.
Note to self: Don’t rely on caller-ID to pull pranks.
Cell phone rings. Caller-ID says it is Wes.
Wes (trying to disguise his voice. I need to tell him he always uses the same disguise.): Yes, are you the people building the house on the corner?
Me: Yes we are.
Wes: I’m (some fictitious name) and your house is on part of our land.
Me: Really?! Do you want to build on the end of it?
Wes: No, we are going to take you to court and sue you.
Me: Great! I’ve never been to court before!
Caller-ID doesn’t always leave you hanging.
As I walked in the door of a local builder supply this morning with items to return.
Salesman: Are you un-shopping?
Me: I am. Is that allowed?
Salesman: Not on Fridays!
Ginny (after telling us of all the things about our house that she approves): Your door lock is my favorite thing about your house. I have to have one like it.
Me: Can I touch your (Ohio State) hat, too?
Wes: No, you’re a GA fan.
Me: Did you know my future husband might be married?
Me: Well, I could someday marry a widower.
That conversation never ceases to get a response.
The salesman at a furniture store had a hairless terrier named Sam. Poor thing had nothing but peach fuzz so he has to wear warm clothes when it’s really cold. He liked me and wanted stay between my feet, chewing on his rawhide bone.
Salesman: Sam likes you.
So I stepped on Sam’s foot. Quite accidentally, of course. But he seemed a little less enamored by me.
After we left Lois said: Whoever made that thing has problems. It feels like a skinned rat.
Henry: I wish we could have a meal like the Mexicans (on the farm where he used to work) do. They have all the food laid out all afternoon and people eat and play games and sit around and talk all afternoon. It’s so laid back.
Me: Yeah, but are they legal?
Crysta: Could you bring taco salad dressing? (for small groups get-together)
Me: Sure. You know, the other day I was thinking about making taco salad dressing.
Lois: *rolls her eyes*
Me: No, I’m serious! I was thinking about it. I like to make it.
If I’m ever dis-inherited it will probably be because of my weird sense of humor. Either that or weird thought patterns.
In other non-quotable news, Lois and I are going to Abbeville for a housewarming party for our cousin Kevin. It’s been way too long since I’ve been there for a weekend. Several years, in fact.